The Unhappy Meal
by astraydog
Summary: The Master has found a way to walk on Earth. Unfortunately, his plan backfires, and is mistaken for Ronald McDonald. The Master finds himself living among the humans and befriending Dawn. It's The Master you've never seen before. But will it last?
1. Chapter 1: Spellbound

**TIMELINE:** A random time in season one, taking place after "Angel" and before "Prophecy Girl." Dawn exists.

**Chapter 1**

"Spellbound"

The Master was in a very bad mood.

"GAH! I hate the Slayer! I try so hard to do evil things and then 'Miss-Slayer-Know-it-All' has to RUIN EVERYTHING!" He sat down and began to cry. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to leave this horrid place and walk on Earth."

The Anointed One walked over to him. "Get a hold of yourself. You're The Master, the king of vampires, but right now you seem like a baby. Quit crying and come up with another plan."

The Master glared at him. "Do you know that I could kill you for saying that to me?"

"Yes, I know you could do that, but you won't. Now that dear old Darla is dead, I'm your only friend."

"That's where you're wrong! Lucy Camden is my friend!"

The Anointed One laughed. "It's time for the terrible truth. Lucy Camden is not real. She's a character on a mortal television show. Duh."

The Master screamed. "Oh now you've done it! Now you're trying to mess with my mind! I know Lucy Camden is the real deal, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get to Earth so I can prove to you that she exists!"

Suddenly, something caught The Master's eye. It was a bunch of musty old books in the corner. Curious, The Master walked over to them. "Hey, what are these books doing here?"

"They're books on witchcraft that Darla stole from some witch. She tried to show them to you, but you ignored her."

The Master picked up one of the books and flipped through the pages. "Hey…I just thought of something! Witches are very powerful creatures, and perhaps a witch created a spell that could help me finally walk on Earth! Oh, Master, you are one smart dude. And good-looking, too."

After a few minutes, The Master finally found a good spell. "Yes, this spell is the one! It's one to transport me to anywhere in the world I want to go. Farewell for now, Anointed One. Once I'm on Earth, I'll find a way to unleash Hell, and then you, me, and Lucy Camden will rule the world TOGETHER! HAHAHA!"

The Anointed One sighed. He knew The Master would mess things up somehow.

The Master started changing some magic words. He shouted "ABOVE THE HELLMOUTH!" And then he started to vanish. "YES! YES! YES!" he screamed. Then in the blink of an eye, The Anointed One could no longer see him.

A second later, The Master found himself standing on a sidewalk. It was nighttime, and he was right outside of an eerie looking place called McDonald's.

"What is the name of Hell is a McDonald's!"

A man tapped him on the shoulder. "WHAT!"

The man looked at him in the eyes. "Hey, you're two hours late, buster. A little girl is about to have her birthday party in an hour, and she's going to be pretty damn upset if there's no Ronald McDonald to make her special day special. And you did the make-up all wrong—you look like a freak instead of a clown."

The Master was confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I am The Master, and I will kill you and everyone you love!"

"Actually, you're not The Master. I'm The Master. I write your paycheck, which is something you're going to lose if you don't hurry up."

The Master wanted to kill him, but like he was under hypnosis, he followed the man into the place the humans called McDonald's. In about a half-hour, make-up had been put all over his face, and he had been transformed into a creature called Ronald McDonald.

Every minute, The Master was trying to think of a way to escape, but the scent of the fries kept fogging his brain.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Chapter 2: A Present for Ronald

**Chapter 2**

"A Present for Ronald"

"Well, since _I'm _the birthday girl, and it's _my_ party at McDonald's, I can have whatever I want, I suppose. I want a chocolate cake, filled with lots and lots of chocolate icing, and a bunch of chocolate-covered strawberries to come on top. And I want it to be six-foot-tall! No, make that seven-feet! And I want it to be brought to me with the song 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' being played in the background."

The Master brought Angie, the birthday girl, a hamburger and some fries. She screamed and kicked him in the legs.

_Is this what I've been doing to humans for hundreds of years!_ The Master pondered.

While all the annoying brats at Angie's birthday party were running around and screaming, he tried to escape. Unfortunately, he was stopped by the manager, who The Master had learned was name Jim.

"Um, Ronald…the birthday party isn't over yet," explained Jim. "You can't leave. If you're looking for something to do, go talk to that kid." He pointed to a brown-haired girl sitting in the corner. The Master hadn't seen anyone talk to her, and he could tell she didn't have many friends.

Then The Master got an idea. If he bit that little girl in the corner and killed her, everyone would be in awe, and he would be free to run out. _Yes, that girl shall die_.

He trotted over to her and grinned. "Hello little girl. I'm The Ma—I mean Monald McRonald. What's your name?"

She sadly turned her head to his face. "I'm Dawn Summers."

The two of them had a moment of silence. Finally, The Master spoke. "So…Dawn…why aren't you playing with the other kids and swimming in that disgusting ball pit?"

Dawn sighed. "None of the kids like me, and I don't like them. I just moved here, and so far, no one likes me. The only reason I'm at this birthday party is for pity. My mom had to call Angie's mom. I hate Angie; she makes fun of me at lunchtime."

Suddenly, The Master had a burst of a new emotion. It was something he had never felt before…remorse. He had remorse for wanting to kill this little girl.

_Get a hold of yourself!_ Screamed The Master in his head. _You are The Master, you're pure evil! You don't feel sorry for this girl, you want to kill her! Yum, yum, blood!_

"Yes! Yum, yum, blood," The Master said out loud.

"What was that?" asked Dawn.

"Uh, nothing…so Dawn, how about you and I go take a walk outside?" He grinned. It would be the first time he had killed a human since The Harvest, and he couldn't wait to do it again.

A few minutes later, he and Dawn had snuck out the back of McDonald's and were walking in a quiet, dark spot where they couldn't be seen or heard. The Master was patiently waiting for the right moment to attack.

"Mr. McDonald, I want you to have something," said Dawn. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a snow globe with a plastic dog inside. Dawn handed it to him and he took it.

"What's this? The Master had received murders as gifts, but never something as lovely as this.

"It's the toy I got from my Happy Meal. That dog is Fuddy the Dog, from the Fuddy TV show, but I don't like, so I want you to have it. No offense, but you seem like the kind of person who could really use some cheering up."

The Master couldn't take his eyes off of the snow globe. Dawn's kind gesture was the nicest thing anyone had ever done to him. He lost focus when both he and Dawn heard the sound of parents in the McDonald's looking for children.

"Oh, sorry, Mister," apologized Dawn. "My mom's probably here to pick me up. You seem really nice, and I'd like you to come over my house for a play date sometime. My address is 1630 Revello Drive. Bye!" She ran inside the house, and The Master found himself smiling. Not because he had done something evil…but because he was glad someone wanted to be his friend.

He didn't realize until ten minutes later that he had once wanted to kill Dawn.

Later that night, once The Master's shift was over with, he took a trip to 1630 Revello Drive. It was late, so he didn't plan on trying to make contact with Dawn. He just wanted to see her in her house.

Hiding behind the bushes, he noticed that someone was walking into the house. But who? Then once he finally saw who it was, his jaw dropped.

The person walking into Dawn's house was a teenage girl, holding a stake, with some blood on her shirt. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

Dawn's sister was the Slayer.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
